Be Selective & Stingy*: Lessons From Ruthie

*I’m not referring to money in this case as Ruthie doesn’t have (or care about) any of that.

If you read this title and thought ‘well, that’s not what I expected to read in this space’…hang in there for a few more lines.

Ruthie doesn’t give kisses. Not even to me. In fact, in the almost three years she has been with our family, she has kissed exactly four humans – none of them were me. And we’re not even talking about regular dog kisses (ie. a solid lick to the face). Ruthie’s kiss = put nose close to human face, pause, touch mouth to human face, stick out tongue. We call it her awkward teenage boy kiss. No offense to any teenage boys.

As Ruthie was found as a stray (her origin story will be in a future post), we will never know all the reasons that she is the way she is. I personally love that she has this quirk. I also love that the four people she “kisses” wear this knowledge as a badge of honor. I don’t mind that I’m not one of them.

Ruthie knows exactly what she wants and doesn’t want. She’s selective in everything, except food. She chooses carefully who she fully engages with, who she welcomes into her space, who she listens to, who receives her energy…and who she shows affection. She doesn’t give a thought to how anyone else feels about her choices. Her preferences and decisions aren’t causing any harm, and she stands by them fully.

She’s also pretty (emotionally) stingy. If she gives a weird kiss one day, that’s no guarantee you’re getting another one. She’ll keep you posted on her decision, and please don’t bother to ask.

You: Ruthie, would you like to give another kiss?

Ruthie: No, thanks.

You: But you gave me one last time and it was awkward but made me happy.

Ruthie: I’m glad you were happy. Please remove your face from my area.

She reserves the right to decide whether she’ll change her mind. There’s a common conception that Great Pyrenees are a stubborn breed. Ruthie and I don’t subscribe to the stubborn moniker. All Livestock Guardian Dogs – Great Pyrenees among them -- were bred to be independent thinkers. They need to make decisions for the safety of their herd, their pack and themselves without human input. When we insert ourselves into their natural instincts, we’re often disappointed when they don’t conform.

Other Human: May I say hello to your dog?

Me: You can if it’s okay with her.

Other Human: Isn’t she friendly?

Me: She’s friendly. She decides who she wants to be friends with.

We put too much pressure on our dogs to be the caricature of a best friend…to everyone. I’d argue that many of us put that same (or similar) pressure on ourselves. What if we were more selective? What if we were emotionally stingy when warranted to preserve our joy, our energy, our peace, etc.?

Adventure prompt: Some Adventures Are Internal

I’m taking myself on an internal adventure this weekend. We’ll be outside hiking and ‘on the road’ as usual, but I’ll be practicing my Ruthie-isms. Being selective doesn’t mean we’re not open. Just because the definition of (financially) stingy is ungenerous – doesn’t mean we can’t adjust our giving without jeopardizing our generosity. And if you meet us on an adventure, please know that we’re friendly – we just have realistic terms. See you out there!